i miss the old u

raya haji is coming soon..im going back tomorrow morning. cant wait to be home safely. i hope i could meet rizal this coming holiday. since he's away from me, we seldom meet. especially when my beloved sister is around.even my mom dun complain much if i want to meet him.its ok, she's just want to be protective. haha.. i wish i could think like that. sometimes she worries too much. but she used to be very supportive. maybe her age has change her attitude. but she also like to judge people in negative way. she's a teacher. she shouldn't be like that. i think the only way to change her perspective way of thinking is to let her live in a big city. then she'll be more open minded. I'm sorry sis for writing bot u. i love u thats y I'm a bit disappointed when u started to be different.

tag.tag.tag.tag.tag.tag.

people loves to tag others to highlight that they are talking about them.its ok if u want to tag ur frens.it sound sweet when u do that do show that u're missing them or u're alert of them as ur goodies. but i really HATE it if u only tag ME to show others u're a great fren but in other hand,u weren't at all.i know, im a bit harsh saying this and that even it looks like at least that person still remembers u. ok,thanks babe for being a good fren.you know that im easy to be pleased. but not anymore! just because u tag my name once in a while,then totally forgot that i'm exist, doesnt sound like u're great at all. pls stop tagging me if u dun even care about me.and its obvious when my name is the last one EVERYTIME u tag ur 'BFFfff'. ok.i pretend it as a coincidence. really babe?? im stuck to be ur bff because i hate to realize that i like to be ur fren.when u talk to me, u sounds like u're giving ur full attebtion on me.and when the conversation is over...BAMM!i'm  no longer in ur list.why im that easy to be pleased??

there was a time when i've untag all my name in ur wall,and even unfren u.yup, i did that because im a weird fren that want to test u either u realise im not in ur frenlist anymore.i think within two or three months,u still unconscious bot it.but then,by the time u realize it, u still dun know the reason i did it.DO KNOW THAT I DID IT BECAUSE IM DONE WITH THE WAY U TREAT ME!

hmm..but until now, all the things u've done to me, doesnt change at all.but u used to be a nice person,never forget ur fren and kind..when i remember the old u, i really miss being ur fren babe.

deep wound

its been 3 weeks we didint spent time together as we used to. really, i feel weird when we met but pretending that we dun know each other. she supposed to be my best friend even smtime i get hurt by her. i still dun know what exactly hapning between us. there is time when i start dreaming that she spoke to me and having lunch and dinner together. its not that i cant leave without her. its just that i dun understand how she can possibly can resist doing all her activities without having me around. she used to call me all the time, ask me to accompanied her to do this and do that, asking my opinion about her design and bla..bla..bla.. but not, we rarely speak to each other, and acting like we barely know each other. its hurt when she ignores me even though im right infront of her. sometimes i say hi to her even she will eventually pretending that im not talking to her. but its ok now.im healed after time passed. its nothing to be regret for.after all, its true that friend come and go,but definitely wrong that there is will be real friend that will stay as long as i want.

you really breaks my heart.

i was shocked when u told me u want to smoke.whatt???at first, i tot u're joking.but u said that u want to smoke once in a while.and u're serious.hst my mm..deep in my heart i pray that u just want to test my reaction.but no, u're really serious.i'm scared syg, imagining that the person i love want to start a very horrible attitude. if u do love me,please don't start it.for the sake of our future.u know how much i love u syg.u really breaks my heart.

14 november 2010

abah operate hari ni.cancer buah pinggang.semua org takut sb doc ckp operation ni sgt2 high risk. lepas 6 jam tgu abah,dari pukul 11 pg sampai 5ptg, doc pgl waris encik mohamad bin sabtu.tekejut gak.mak yg sakit lutut, xlarat nk jalan, tiba2 jalan laju sgt2.yela, risau sgt sb lama sgt operation.supposely 4 jam je.then pg hdw(high dependency ward).semua org yg lepas operation masuk situ dulu sementara nk stabil.mak masuk dgn along dulu.the rest tgu kt luar.i cant imagine hw i feel that time.then, tgu punya tgu, mak keluar dr blk tu.mak ckp doc xbg pg dekat sb xsetel lg.dipendekkan cerita,last2 boleh pi tgk abah.masuk je dlm ward tu,npk ramai yg br lepas operation.kesian sgt.semua org npk baring dlm keadaan sakit.horror sgt.abah pulak dah sedar,bius dah habis.tp abah xbenti2 pgl mak.sedih sgt2..mlm tu, xboleh tgu abah.kesian kt abah,dh la sakit sgt2,xdak sapa tgu pulak tu..pg esok,dok call, ckp abah pindah masuk icu.abah mcm xbp sedar sb doc bg ubat tahan sakit and morphine.semgu dok still bg ubat tahan sakit.tp makin lama makin kurang.lepas 2 kali masuk icu, in 3 weeks, abah boleh discharge.alhamdulillah, now abah dah makin ok.sepanjang abah kt hospital, my mum n i yg teman.mlm2 abah xboleh tido sb sakit.everyday, i pray to god and hope that i can share his pain.i cant stand looking at him, suffering because of the surgery.tambah pulak, kena tebuk a few parts sb paru2 abah berair.mcm2 dugaan abah dpt.hopefully, lepas ni abah xkan kena operation dah.

a moment

even we didn't manage to spend our time together very often, 

we still could steal a few second to be together. but still,

we fight, we laugh, we talk and we try to compose

everything in a few seconds.but in less than one week

, again, we'll be separated.but this time, it would be a  

very very very long time..hmm..

ps:already missing u dear.

penteman dan penduduk

mr.spider(br check-in td)

blossom and bubbles

buttercup

made in Beijing

momo

mr. chEff

mi goreng special  

mi goreng specially made from my rizal.thanks syg.actually, sedap.tp u letak lada byk sgt.hehe..next time msk mende lain pulak tau... :)

'loved' it!

meja org nk exam

subject2 yg saya sayangi dan menyayangi saya ialah:

• Islamic worldview
• Building Construction 1
• Principle of Structure 1
• Measurement
• Environmental Material Science
• Principle of Estimating 1

sekian terima kasih.

döublE mindEd

i was wondering how would it be if i didnt manage to further my study in uia, instead i'll be taking twinning programme for becoming a teacher. maybe it wont be this hard to study 10 subjects *which i did it in the last minutes* along with a large 'bundle' of assignments. i'm not saying that i'm regretting it all of sudden after the whole semester has past through my time.. i never tot that it would be that hard to survive and achieve the goals that i've picked from the begining. i know it is too late to think about it.but it's just a moment that i spend to think all the options that i've took. does it worth it? 

i miss the moment when i'm hoping that i'm not a school student anymore. eventhough it was the hardest moment i've been through, but i still have time to see mak and abah almost every week.but now, i'm hundreds miles away from them..i miss them more than they can miss me.

grand finale

finally,disaster has come..apa lagi, final exam la..

paling best ada 8 paper for final..

dekat2 pulak tu gap.aduyaii...

please habis cepat2 exam.xsabar nk balik rumah..lama gila xblk kedah..miss mak and abah so damm much!

tp, if dah habis exam sedih jgk sb rizal pun habis exam, which means dia dah habis terus.

emmmm...

saya dalam dilema..

mana ada jambu,hensem je.heee

mcm hensem pulak.heee

ps:nk date! nak date!

worst news ever

i know abah have a lot of disease and i tot he'll be better with all the medications the doctor gave to him. instead,last week mum told me that the doctor has discover the main cause why abah has blood in his urine is because he got a cancer. i cant imagine how should i act, when i know about the news. and the worst thing ever hpn is, the day of abah's operation, i cant be at the hospital because i got final exams. how i wish i could be there with all my siblings. i hope things will be better and abah will be fine. i cant bear thinking abah is suffering with the disease. ya Allah, pls let abah recover soon.i'll do anything to exchange with abah's health.

THE PURPOSE OF LIFE

Usually, people live their lives without ever reflecting on life itself or its meaning for them. Their lives may be full of activities or even nothing. They may marry, have children, run a business, or become scientists or musicians, without ever obtaining any degree of understanding of why they do these things. They also are forgetting their responsible or their job towards Allah the almighty because trying their best to achieve their goals without realizing the main purpose of life. But what is actually the real purpose of life. Opinion takes different perception but it does not always give the right answer.  

As in my life, I experienced a lot of events that relate most probably with something that I didn’t plan to do so. When I was a kid, I’ve been taught that our life is not only revolved around us. We must think whether the consequences will bring more harm than good either to ourselves or to others. I asked myself, why can’t we think about ourselves first? Why must we consider the implicit of everything we want to do? Then, when I started to live by my own, as I grow older, I learn that if we don’t like the way people treat us, never treat people in such way. Being selfish will never lead us to victory. So I learn a lot of things about the purpose of life. Allah has created me to be His obedient servant, and to obey my parents, follow the guidelines.

I know I’m not a perfect servant of Allah. I do mistakes, a lot than doing the right thing. That’s why I’m trying my best to fulfil my purpose of life. It is not easy to complete the main purpose of life even we have the guideline. It looks simple as a hard nut to crack, but it is not. The five pillars of Islam, is the main guideline. Alhamdulillah, I still have my parents to remind me everytime I slip from the right path.

We seek the protection of Allah from every evil thing. I found from the internet about Allah mentions to us in the Holy Quran, "And to Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth, and Allah is over all things competent. Indeed, in the creation of the heavens and the earth and the alternation of the night and the day are signs for those of understanding-Who remember Allah while standing or sitting or [lying] on their sides and give thought to the creation of the heavens and the earth, [saying], "Our Lord, You did not create this aimlessly; exalted are You [above such a thing]; then protect us from the punishment of the Fire." Surah 3: Ayahs 189-191. Truly, when you see the design of all that Allah created, you realize it is very powerful and very precise. Something very powerful and very precise which means that something beyond our own calculation and imagination that cannot be foolish.

So while I’m thinking how great the creation of Allah is I start realize how humble I am and how ungrateful I am for not being fully responsible to Him. My desire sometime has becoming the priority instead of my responsible. But still, I’m thanking to Him because still love me and give a lot of luxury. Maybe that’s how He reminds me about my purpose of life. And I’ll always pray to Him so that he will lead me to keep on track and fulfil my purpose of life. InsyaAllah.

mad_ne-yo

She's starin' at me
I'm sittin', wonderin' what she's thinkin'
Mmmmmm
Nobody's talkin' 'cause talkin' just turns into screamin'
Ohhh
And now is i'm yellin' over her, she's yellin' over me
All that that means
is neither of us is listening
[and what's even worse]
that we don't even remember why were fighting.

 So both of us are mad for...

Nothin' [fighting for]
Nothin' [crying for]
Nothin' [whooaaa]
But we wont let it go for nothin'
[no not for]
Nothin'
This should be nothin' to a love like what we got
Ohhh baby...

I know sometimes it's gonna rain
but baby, can we make up now
'cause I can't sleep through the pain
[can't sleep through the pain].

Girl, i don't wanna go to bed
[mad at you]
And i don't want you to go to bed
[mad at me]
No, i don't wanna go to bed
[mad at you]
And i don't want you to go to bed
[mad at me]
Ohhh no no no...

And it gets me upset, girl
when your constantly accusing.
[askin' questions like you've already known]
We're fighting this war, baby
when both of us are losing.
[This ain't the way that love is supposed to go].

Whoahhhh.....
[what happened to workin' it out]
We've fall into this place
where you ain't backin' down and i ain't backin' down
so what the hell do we do now...

It's all for..

Nothin' [fighting for]
Nothin' [crying for]
Nothin' [whooaaa]
but we won't let it go for
nothin'...
[no not for]
Nothin'
This should be nothin' to a love like what we got
Ohhh baby...

I know sometimes it's gonna rain
but baby, can we make up now
'cause I can't sleep through the pain
[can't sleep through the pain].

Girl, i don't wanna go to bed
[mad at you]
And i don't want you to go to bed
[mad at me]
No, i don't wanna go to bed
[mad at you]
And i don't want you to go to bed
[mad at me]
Ohhh no no no...

Oh, baby this love ain't gonna be perfect
[perfect, perfect, ohh ohh]
and just how good it's gonna be
we can fuss and we can fight long as everythings allright between us...
before we go to sleep.

Baby, we're gonna be happy.

Baby I know sometimes it's gonna rain
but baby, can we make up now
'cause I can't sleep through the pain
[can't sleep through the pain].

Girl, i don't wanna go to bed
[mad at you]
And i don't want you to go to bed
[mad at me]
No, i don't wanna go to bed
[mad at you]
And i don't want you to go to bed
[mad at me]
Ohhh no no no...

nobody's perfect.even sometimes i tot that we're the most perfect couple ever, we still create our own mistakes. i know he loves me as much as i love him but we still have a lot more things to improve our relationship. yes, i admit we fight, we  hate each other, we blame others fault almost everytime we're quarreling and we even warring to each other.but for what reasons we did that?as a matter of fact, we dun even realize that we're fighting for nothing.it happens all the time. actually, its what people do when they're in love. because when we consciously start to realize our own mistakes, the only thing we can do is we laugh,laugh to our stupidity. but believe me, its really strengthen our relationship cause we now that no matter how horrible or terrible our reaction on that 'war' deep inside our heart, no one can replace this person.
i'm really sorry if i hurt u too much.i'm lucky to have u as my partner coz u're a very understanding and patient person.please forgive all my mistakes.


ps: i'll always love you.xoxo

shame on you

i realize that involving myself in qs is equal to work with other people by grouping. About 95 % of my assignments, coursework, and bla...bla...bla... is engaging  with my group members. The weakest part is to be in the group, giving the full commitment for the group is the crucial part. i know that i'm not a fan of group work but i have to participate myself in it. Actually it’s hard for me to sink people's tooth especially, trying to be visible even when people doesn't aware of our presence. I’d never have a chance since i was small to be liked by everyone around me, or long term relationship or any friend that being loyal to me, but i still remember there are some that could be a good friend, however it doesn't last long. Yeah, I’m not really good in making new friends.  Even now, i dun know why people usually don’t notice about my existence. But it doesn’t matter because for me, I’m still with or without them. But for a certain expanses, i still need my friend. Those selected friend, like my roommate, hanN that always willing to help me no matter what the condition is, sakinah, that really doesn’t care what will she attain in return every time she help me, agim, that accept me the way i am. Thanks my dearest friends. I know not all people are willing to sacrifice neither their time nor their money just for the sake of others. And i also didn’t aspect  them to be such kind-hearted, but i’m really surprised when this unnamed person which i respect  HER as a pious lady to be very unrespectably, displeasingly selfish, self-centred and ...... all i can say is, i’m shocked towards her attitude. But Alhamdulillah, Allah give me all this strength to survive occasionally alone and now He gave me the person that endorse me which i met two years ago. This person really completes me. And all i can say is thank you for everything that you’ve gave me and forbear in everything that we’ve been through.

kerenduan

berikut adalah senarai insan2 yg saya rindui:

• mak including everything yg mak masak dan cerita2 mak

• abah even kadang2 geram sb xmau accept my opinion dan time2 kena 'jerkah' dan jgk time abah kejut subah mcm alarm clock "ifah.ifah.ifah.ifah.ifah.ifah.ifah.ifah.(dgn nada yg sama)

• tok yg suka byk ty tp sweet sb sgt caring dan xpenah lupa ckp buang sket,byk sgt tu everytime makan even though kdg2 xsempat boh pun lg nasik lam pinggan dan juga cerita yg berulang2 pasal adik2 tok.

• lang + pak lang yg suka bwk breakfast pagi(now breakfast + aiman farouk)

• pakcu + makcu yg suka bwk cucoq udang or nasik lemak or bihun sup petang2( yg pastinya sgt sedap-undoubted).

• my bedroom -the most comfortable place,ever.

• dan setiap ruang di dalam dan di luar rumah.

ps:always miss my bobot, muhammad arfarizal arman

work + work + work + work= WORKS!

its been almost 7 months since my last entry.a huge amount of workload has been blocking my desire to write.well, here i am.writing again.
it's really different when comparing my weekends and weekdays. MONDAY-SELASA-WEDNESDAY-KHAMIS-FRIDAY vs SABTU-SUNDAY-SATURDAY-AHAD.. i tot it would be easier taking a qs.not true al all!with all the subjects like ;structure that overbear me, and measurement which seems easier that it suppose to be , working drawing that testing my patience,estimating which train me to be a good qs, building construction that makes me want to be a civil engineering school students, back in 2006-2007 and bla..bla..bla..
but alhamdullillah, i still have the strength to proceed all my responsibilities the best i can,with all the effort i gave.hope this semester's cgpa wont disappoint me.
i never forget my mom that always pray for my success,as well as abah that often challenge me to prove him my ability.
now i now the real lifestyle of a university student,experiencing it.well,it could be fun sometimes, having all the time i want to enjoy.but still need to remind myself what will hpn if i slip even a bit. because there will be no abah or mak or even kakcik and kaktih to 'sound' me if i engrossed with the 'duniawi'.
but i never forget the moment when everytime i switch on the tv, or 'passionate'with my hp.there will be a voice keep reminding me the time i'll waste and then to stop me.
now,its really hard to maintain my passion toward all those things.but i think i'm more matured now to differentiate whether it is good or bad for me and to make my own decision.may God give me all the strength till the end to survive in all the difficulties.insyaAllah..
p/s:dear mr rizal. dun be a 'small hearted'.i didnt forget u all all.a always inspire me during my difficulties.thanks dear.i luv u!

memories..

I miss our moment. Since the 1st time we met until the last day u went back to ur hometown. It really hard for me to be here without you. We're separated by time and distance.Do you know that it hurts more to count days until the moment that i can meet u again?

To tell you the truth, I'm not ready for our long distance relationship. Even we can always contact each other each second, i am still want you to be here.Yes,I'm a bit selfish. That's y i cannot afford to share you with anyone else.

I cant imagine how people stand to be away from each other for such a long time,but still, having fun. I cant hide my feelings. I miss you badly.




ps: i love so much!!betul,xtipu! :p ♥♥

LoNeLy WeEkEnDs.

I'm trying my best to suite my daily life especially weekends without you.But how come saturday and sunday suddenly arrived faster than before,i mean when u're here with me?? Weird,so weird.

ps: I LOVE YOU BOBOT

Pathetic weekend

Weekends is back again..cepat la pulak.huhu.. And me??alone kt rumah. bored..bored..bored..
supposely,weekends shud be my fav day.tp,since my boy is not here..owh,how i wish he's here now..
Lgpun,he's bz with his cousins n nephews..again, i'm jealous with them.huhu.Even nk webcam pun xsempat.Sebok je nk interframe.Syg,u know i dun like kids.Kacau je.Shooh..Shooh.. Sume nk along(which is my boy).Takpela bobot.It's not ur fault.
So, ape lagi boleh buat.Watching wonder pets is not my choice at all..huhu. Pathetic kan??
Even my sister pun tgh dating..waaa....syg,cepat la blk..I need you now..


ps:i love u syg.